How to feel less lost in your 30’s
Feeling lost in your 30s is a common experience for many individuals. This period is marked by substantial life shifts and transitions, causing doubts about one's decisions and path. The clash between societal norms and personal aspirations can create a sense of disorientation and hesitation. It is important to understand that it is acceptable not to have all the answers at this stage. As a therapist who specialized in helping young adults and women i’ve had many discussions about “feeling lost”. Here are some things that help my clients.
1. Figure out your why.
Why are you here on earth? What is most important to you? And then consider if you are doing things to fulfill these areas in your life. Are things in line or are we not working towards our big goals. For most of my clients they fall into 3 categories when I ask this question.
-Achievement driven
Maybe you want to be successful in your career or your interest area. You imagine yourself finding new improvements to help the world through this work. People who say “I want to find the cure for cancer” fit into this category. These people prioritize their work over other things.
-Social driven
These people tend to prioritize meaningful social connections. We think of people here who tend to want to create a loving and caring environment for individuals in their life. We can think about those who prioritize family or work in social service positions because “I love the work and care so much for these people.”
-Religion driven
These people tend to prioritize a religious duty over other things. They prioritize achieving whatever religious goals align with their beliefs. They tend to commit most of their time towards advancing on a religious centered life.
2. Are we doing things that increase our feel-good moments?
I am not talking about a little treat that gives us a sugar rush and makes us feel good. (And don’t get me wrong I love a good slushie and slice of pizza). No, I mean are we doing things that make us feel important and meaningful in this world. Are we volunteering? Are we helping nature? Are we working towards a social cause? Are we saying good morning to the gas station attendant? One of the best ways to feel like we are doing something meaningful is do purposely commit small acts of kindness. Putting the grocery cart back, writing letters of appreciation, offering an appropriate complement to a stranger.
3. Think about all the things you are proud of.
You have a great sense of style? You are the proud plant mom of 40? Your mother-in-law loves your pie? Really soak in those moments and let yourself feel proud. There is something you are doing right in life; you just need to find it. If you don’t know what you’re good at ask your loved ones.
4. Accepting that you are not, in fact, that old and should not, in fact, have it all figured out.
Give yourself some grace. You have only been here 30 years, which is not a lot of time. Additionally, humans as a species have only been around roughly 300,000 years. The earth has existed for 4,543,000,000 (4.542 billion) years. Just look at those zeros! We are not that advanced yet, give yourself a break. We haven’t even figured out how to fold a fitted sheet nicely. You wanting to have your shit totally together with those unrealistic standards is like asking a squirrel to reserve a table and expecting him to sign the check for the food he keeps stealing from your bird feeder. It’s unreasonable! So take it easy, you have your entire life to figure out how to human. It’s literally your only job while you’re here.
well that and eating good pizza 😊
Figuring out life is tricky, but therapy can help. If you are looking for a MN therapist or a MO therapist reach out. I can assist in navigating this phase of self-exploration. Embrace the voyage of reflection and development, recognizing that uncovering your route is a gradual journey.
